Breakup 101: Overcoming them

Welcome to the world of breakups A.K.A summertime sadness; there is always that time in each period of your life when you experience “summertime sadness”. This is when you feel like no amount of sunshine can make you feel in any way optimistic or encouraged to go on with your life. Although you know that such a dreadful time is not here to stay and it shall pass, you still might be unknowingly doing a few mistakes that aid in prolonging the “summertime sadness” -and there are always ways to change one’s reality if need be.

1. Imagination:

  • Unfortunately, the amount of “what-ifs” that you go through per day could be one of the reasons for your regression. This is where you keep picturing a perfect scenario in a parallel perfect world, not giving your brain a chance to process the reality you are in -everlasting in a loop of false hopes. There is no good in living within the unreality of your “what-if” scenarios; through living in your head, you sidetrack and lose sight of the reality surrounding you.

2. Clinging to Snippets:

  • Those are the pieces of your past relationship that you chose to keep, whether they are the pictures that you took together, the common songs and playlists or the old text conversations. All of these are considered “snippets” of the relationship that do not by any means define or provide you with the actual essence of how the dynamic between the two of you was. They create this falsely perfect illusion that keeps you nostalgic for a nonexistent past version of your relationship. The first step to moving on with your life would be snipping the snippets out of your life – cut them out.

3. Speaking Your Mind –not literally:

  • Let it all out, with the irrationality and all the impracticalities that need to be words and not thoughts. Sometimes, after the emotional turmoil of a breakup, you find yourself full of words but without a proper outlet; this is where creativity kicks in. Contrary to common belief, talking to a loved one -family, or friend- is not the only way to let out pent-up thoughts, and no this does not refer to journaling -only. Journaling is one way to let anything out, however, add your personal touch to it and you turn feelings into art -and that is not constricted to journaling only. Journaling itself could take many forms -far from writing about daily occurrences- such as writing about your feelings or experiences in a poetical, narrative or even a lyrical form to create songs -and even sing those feelings away. Another way could be the actual turning of feelings into a form of art i.e., painting, sketching or even choreographing the pains away.

4. Change:

  • Do you know this post-breakup phase where you change something about your appearance? Whether it is by going to the gym religiously or getting a fresh haircut, you always feel the need for change after a breakup. This could be explained by grasping the meaning that underlies the need for seeing a change: you need to see something that does not remind you of your ex, and frankly even looking at the mirror could remind you of them -for the pictures you took together or something about your face that they highlighted by complimenting it. Do not misunderstand, working out and looking fresher is undoubtedly considered progress. Howbeit, the change you genuinely need is from within, and changing the way you look/dress is only a temporary fix of a painkiller. And what changes a human from within? Change. If not by finding new places to unwind and create fresh new memories -untainted by exes and whatnot- then by meeting new people – and no, not for dates; there is nothing worse than replacing an ex with another. There is a certain spark within meeting new people -extroverts enter the chat here- and this is when you get to be yourself, minus the bindings and haunting of a past relationship. You get to find pieces of yourself within new souls that touch yours and through finding common grounds with them, you find out how relatable your -previously alienating- thoughts could be. And looking into it, it is true how everyone has not yet met all the people they would love; much like sad goodbyes, there are first hellos that last a lifetime.

5. Change –again:

  • Because who gets enough of change? Scary though it is. Surroundings- a change of surroundings is by far one of the most essential tools to reform; quoting John Green: “you have to get lost before you can find yourself” This does not have to be a crazy adventure exploring the wilderness; go somewhere you have never gone, and the best part is how you can always go solo and enjoy your company -a salute to the introverts. There is a harnessed power to one’s enjoyment of their alone times, and this is when someone truly connects to who they are. Where is it best to do so if not in a place that holds no memories or links to the past?

In conclusion, though there is no manual or script for how one should react after a breakup, there are ways to hack into your life some happiness. They include common grounds such as reconnecting with yourself, but one can only act according to what they are ready for. You cannot move on from something while holding onto it -or the pains it created. To let go is to decide, and to decide you must unwind and clear your head for a better vision of your next move. Ultimately, to move on, you must move in steady steps, and step by step, you shall get there.

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