Moving on from a beloved one is perhaps one of the most tormenting experiences you can go through. Ironically, it is one of the most inevitable, unavoidable events you will go through – if you haven’t been through one already. Loss is an excruciating pain that nibbles away at any source of optimism you have left, which is more than okay. However, what is not okay is placing yourself in the same cycle…
The cycle that murders you every day. The cycle that renders you with a false sense of hope is the cycle that feeds off your life force. The time has come when you shall break that cycle, or the loop will repeat itself until you lose yourself in the process. Then, you wouldn’t haven’t lost a loved one, but you would have lost yourself.
@ladyaguilera2.0 This is how you REALLY get over someone #fyp #fypシ #movingon #howtogetoversomeone ♬ original sound – Taylor Limas
If I am moving on:
Where do I start?
You already did. If you are grieving and feeling every emotion without bottling anything away, you are on the right path. It is within the very human nature to seek another chance and remain in the same plotline without realizing that person’s chapter in your life has ended. As every tear falls, anything associated with that person must fade away. Grieving the loss allows you to feel everything.
But they were my…?
Yes, I am aware of how that person was your everything; otherwise, you would not be reading this. They were the person you would run to when something good happened to you and vice versa. They were the person you would think of instead of finishing that assignment. They were the person you were so excited to see after finishing that boring class. How involved that person was in your life will determine how much you feel you’re losing a part of yourself. That’s not the case, though: you’re only making room for something bigger.
I cried my heart out to my dark playlist, but what now?
You’ve come a long way. You should be extremely proud of yourself. You may be feeling empty and severely depressed, but there is no timeline for when you should move on. Grieving is a lengthy process of moving on, and there will come a time within that process when you will be inclined to accept the reality of the situation: you are on your own now. You do not have to tie to another human being; remember, you are human, and living through someone is not living, which is why you are liable to take the time to explore yourself.
Be your lover
Love yourself. Do not expect that love from others. Take the day, week, or even months off to love yourself the way you would expect and necessarily view love to be. Hit the gym. Call up that old friend and reunite. Do that skin-care routine. Self-care comes in many ways, but most importantly, the process should succeed in making you feel busy so that you are ready for the next step.
Don’t end the chapter, but burn the pages.
Completely forgetting would be better than clinging to the past. Block them everywhere – not just online but in real life too! If they are in the same workplace or class, try to distance yourself. Delete those pictures you scroll through every now and then. Delete those chats you re-read while asking yourself: “Is this ever going to happen again?” Most critically, avoid any communication by all means. You will be over-analyzing those simple, meaningless interactions which are going to do nothing but hurt you and you will have the start your moving on process all over again. Their part in your book is over – accept it.
After that exhausting process, their name might trigger you, and that’s fine. That trigger is a chance to heal. Not because it ended, that would mean you would never be loved again. A new blessing will come along the way, and you will be looking back at this experience and telling yourself: “Wow, it worked out”. At that moment, you will have truly healed and moved on.