“That’s all because of you!” Whether you are in a relationship or not, that’s an undeniably common sentence that we all hear, but quite frankly, it usually is the end of something. If anything is inevitable, then it is arguing. Sparks for disputes are incomparably more common than rice since simply that’s what everyone chooses to focus on! But when it comes down to finding a solution? Oh, brains are as useless as an airport without aeroplanes. Fortunately, that is not our case – let me guide you through a systematic approach to arguing healthily! As comical as it sounds, it perhaps is the fruitful path to a successful relationship…
Wait A Minute: Why Are We Arguing?!
Before even moving forth, stop for a second and ask yourself as well as your partner, “Why are we even arguing in the first place?” Perhaps, reaching in and clenching onto the root of the problem would save you from internal and (God forbid) external chaos! You wouldn’t want that meltdown where you evaluate all of your life choices up to this point. You wouldn’t want to endure another low-grade depressive episode and who knows where you might end up with that? Even worse, you wouldn’t want your very semblance of inner peace destroyed over an impertinent conflict?
Attempt at sitting down and asking each other, ‘Why is all of this happening?” If it seems as though a trivial issue, then no need to move forward. Instead of arguing pointlessly, ponder possible solutions. Contrarily, if the conflict is major, then you ought to find a different approach…
I’m Genuinely Mad: Calm Talk Will Not Help!
Your wrath is taking over. You cannot think straight. Every nerve in your body is being dominated by the ire inspired by their actions. That is quite more than fine – you are allowed to let it out. Nonetheless, you must remember your boundaries: no violence; no cussing; no disrespect or nothing that you shall forever regret. Keep your partner in check of the actions they did which hurt you or negatively impacted you; otherwise, there shall always be some sort of vague barrier between the both of you. Cry – if possible- as long as you are not hurting your fellow partner, then you are allowed to express yourself freely.
After The Storm
“Okay, I let it all out and they let it all out…What next?” An actual calm talk, yet I must emphasise that this is not a routine you put yourself through: two chances are more than enough. Any relationship (platonic or not) entails disagreements and disputes; nevertheless, a relationship with nothing but constant toxic, obnoxious arguments is anarchy – anarchy upon your soul, happiness, health and life. Attaching yourself to someone who is obsessed with relentless quarrels and cannot swallow their own hubris is not going to lead you to a utopian connection.
Let them know why you lashed out or acted in that way – they deserve to know that. Instead of throwing the blame on each other, ask yourself, “How can we avoid arguing over this next time?” In fact, try admitting if you were faulty or in the wrong. If they truly love you, they will forgive you. Nonetheless, repeating that mistake again denotes that you, likewise, need to work on improving quality.
I Think I’m The Problem.
Perchance that will reduce the rate of arguing next time! I have argued and evaluated everything but I seriously think that I cause the problem. If you believe you possess a particular quality that ignites every problem, try working on it! Listen to podcasts that discuss whatever issues you think you need to work on or even try seeing a specialist, who will provide an objectively insightful perception of your personality as a whole. We are humans who are inclined to be a part of a problem but that is fine as long as we are willing to deliberately improve.
After all, you and your partner are on the same team – a team of love. If you truly desire to go on and save the relationship, get ready to sacrifice. It’s okay to say sorry. It’s okay to be blamed. It’s okay to keep on arguing. However, it’s never okay to endure the same pain out of ‘love’. Remember, you are in a relationship with yourself too.