Heartbreak round 02: the sequel nobody asked for

Being heartbroken has proven to be the worst feeling anyone could ever go through. Well, it’s heartbreaking. And after being heartbroken for the second time, thought I’d share what I learned this time.

1. It’s okay to be sad.

The feeling of your heart shattering into a million pieces after losing someone you loved is unbearable. And although we all have different pain tolerance, I think at least the first couple of days are the same for us all. It’s complete darkness and pain. What I’ve learned this time is that you will not be better if you don’t feel your feelings. You have to be sad. You have to cry. You have to shut down. Otherwise, you’re just not going to be better, and instead, you’re going to be delaying the breakdowns and heartaches.

2. I’m allowed to press pause on life for a while.

They always tell you: “life goes on; it doesn’t stop when someone leaves.” No, it absulotely does, and that’s okay. It’s normal and okay to spend a whole week (or more if needed) on your bed crying. It’s okay to be unwilling to talk or operate normally for a while; it’s okay for your life to stop because what happened to you was not easy.

3. There is no deadline.

You should be sad for as long as you need to be. No one should ever tell you that it’s enough because it’s your story; you’re living it. Screw anyone telling you to stop crying -if you need to cry, then cry.

4. I will miss them, no matter how bad of a person they were to me.

Having someone as a daily routine in your life for a while and then having them leave is not something that you can get over easily, and you are going to miss them. It’s fine; don’t shame yourself for it, and don’t allow anyone to shame you for missing them. You’re only human after all.

5. It’s a grieving process and I have to go through every stage of it to be okay.

My therapist told me that there are seven stages of grief, and to heal I must go through them all, and knowing what stage I am in now in my moving-on process helps me figure out how to deal with it. She also told me that one day I can be in denial, the next day in depression, and then back to denial again. It’s not a linear process, you’ll be jumping around the stages and going through every single one of them more than once.

At the end of the day, time heals you. Just like you got used to them being there, you’ll get used to them not being around at all. It hurts, it’s awful and it leaves you scarred for a long time or even for life, but you’ll be okay. Just give yourself time.

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